my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
