i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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