If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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