so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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