i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
