I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
