Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
