We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
never play flip cup with pint glasses
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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