his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
