omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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