He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
