I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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