Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
