if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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