I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize