Betty ford says i'm here all night
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
