Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
