If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
