He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
