there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
FUCK WHALES
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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