I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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