I don't usually arrange sex via text message
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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