Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
