If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
