About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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