come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
