Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
