Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
