Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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