Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
