if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Banned from zoo.
Again?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
