I'm going to jail i love you
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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