hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
