I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
