If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
