fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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