Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
please come you make the beer taste better
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
