I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
