Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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