I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
