Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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