Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
