That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
