Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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