You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
