the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
