Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
