I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
so let's talk penis.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
