So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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