Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
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