All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
