If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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