did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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