pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
