His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
