I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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