okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
