I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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