Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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