i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
