He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
