I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
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