Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
