My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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