two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
