i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Randomize
